Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Sometimes you just have to let a ship sail and a kid walk on his own.

Anchored in!
We all have a little bit of a perfectionist in us.  We want things to be just so.  If we build things, we want them built just right.  Although I have no desire to build sailboats, I find people that build them fascinating.  There are so many ways and styles to build a sailboat.  And even after you pick and choose and build the actual boat, then there is the sanding and shaping of the hull.  Boat builders take great pride in the way their boat cuts through the water.  Often, spending as much time sanding and shaping the hull as they do actually building the boat.  I read an article about a man that spent twenty six years of his life perfecting his sailboat before taking it out to sea. I mean really, at some point you just got to put her in the water and let her sail.


We as parents do the exact same thing with our kids.  When we first teach them to walk we often hold own to their little hand longer than we need to.  Yes they are going to reach for our hand.  It's always the easy way out.  But sometimes the easy way is not the best way.  The truth is, this is the first big test of trust.  Not trust of the child.  Trust of your own parenting skills.  Sooner or later, you just have to trust that you've taught them what they need to know and they will be able to navigate the skills of walking without you holding their little hand anymore.  Then a few short years later, you find yourself running behind a bicycle.  You're bent over with your hand under the seat because you've taken the training wheels off in an effort to boost your child's self esteem.  You can feel it in your hand that your kid is ready to take off on his own but your just not quite ready to let go.  It's a matter of belief in the lessons that you have taught.  It's an exercise  in self doubt. You can repeat yourself over and over but sooner or later, you just have to let your little one ride on without your hand.  But with the confidence of all your knowledge safely instilled in him.


The end of Parenting.
It's no different when we get to the end of our kid's childhood.  You've done your job.  You've warned against the dangerous things.  You've given the driving lessons.  Discussed uncomfortable subjects such as drinking, drugs, sex, and bad company.  You have had your had at the steering wheel for eighteen years, all throughout school, relationships, sports clubs, and every aspect of their lives.  You've instilled all that is in you into them. It's a massive leap of faith to just let that kid sail off into the waters.  But here's the beautiful part.  That kid was shaped to cut through the water by your hand.  As long as your hand was active in shaping that kid, I can assure you, he will perform the way your hand molded him to perform.  It's hard to give up your creation to the world, but you will be overwhelmed with pride when that creation performs better than your design had intended it to.

Happy Sailing My Friends.