The Secret to Friendship

For most of my life I've placed very little value on friendship.  Most of my family members have a bit of a loner streak in them.  I don't know if it's age or life, but lately I've come to a place where friendships are crucial.  Parenting has been the biggest catalyst to seek out others in the same boat of teenage hormonal instability.  Ironically, my own personal faith in God has sent me on a quest to find others who believe in a similar way as me.  And most recently  our flood has taught me the true meaning of friendship.  While in my own head, I still consider myself a loner, I really am becoming more and more needful of friendships.

Before I get to far down the yellow brick road, there are some rules and limitations to friendship. The dictionary says friendship is a relationship between two people that have a mutual affection for one another.  That's more than a little vague.  First, there needs to be a mutual respect for one another.  Without respect a friendship will wither and die.  Respect keeps both people from turning on each other.  It also prevents one from talking behind a friends back.  Next, there needs to be admiration.  While most friends have many things in common, if there is the handful of things that your friend can do that you can't, then you will admire their abilities.  Admiration of those things will help you overlook their short comings in other areas.  Then there is the strange term of endearment.  There needs to be something, usually abstract, that causes your to feel endeared or indebted to that person.  That will create loyalty.  As long as it isn't money, that loyalty will go a long ways to cementing a friendship.  Mostly, there needs to be acceptance.  A friend will accept your short comings.  It takes a friend to look past your flaws.  It takes a friend to forgive you for your mistakes.  A true friend not only accepts you, they also rejoice in the fact that you are just as flawed as them.

While those are all good rules to follow, keeping a friendship requires that you do not keep a score card or tally of all the things required.  My friends don't require repayment for the things they've done for me.  I don't assume a friend is out to hurt me when he has to point out something negative in my life.  While it's great to reminisce with friends about old times, it's best to start every encounter with a clean slate.  Mostly live your life out loud and in front of your friends.  If you hide anything or talk behind your friends back it's because you are lying about something.  Friendships are far to important to live with half truths and half hearts.  Reach out and be a friend to someone. It just might save you in the long run.


“There is nothing I would not do for those who are really my friends. I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature.”
― Jane Austen