"Selfies" Are proof that we are teaching our children to be self centered.

Typical Selfie

Unless you have been living in a cave or stranded on an island with a volleyball, you've heard of the term "selfie".  This is nothing more than a self portrait taken from a smart phone, usually at arms length. Sometimes it is taken using a mirror.  The picture is then posted on a social media site.  Selfies have become so popular that the Oxford dictionary has added it as a word in it's November 2013 revisions.  There are also Selfie Olympics and an entire culture based on these self portraits. Samsung estimates that 30 percent of the pictures taken on their devices are considered selfies. One fascinating study discovered that a majority of the selfies turned to expose the left cheek.  This is rooted in how the brain configures its on perception of the body and can be seen in paintings by famous artist in just about every painting style in history.  Selfies are not "evil" or something that will lead to big trouble for your child.  It is after all, part of the American landscape these days.  But it does reinforce some very bad habits we have of letting our children be self centered and limits their thinking of the world around them.



With the advent of social media selfies allow people and more specifically girls to feed their need to be accepted by the masses.  While acceptance by your peers is important it is not the end of the journey and it is definitely not something that should consume a teenagers every waking moment.  At home your child is often the center of attention.  Then your little one grows up and heads out into the real world and discovers that he or she is one of many, this is often disastrous.  If your child doesn't know how to be part of a group or team that is bigger than he or she is, then all the education in the world is doing them no good.  Selfies, lavish gifts, and Mommy and Daddy fixing everything will never teach a child to be one part of a larger group.  And yes, society is partly to blame.  We live in a selfish, introverted, take care of only yourself world. But excuses won't help your child when he or she meets the shock of the real world not worshiping their every whim.  Your job as a parent is to look toward the final goal.  You are working to make a complete adult at the end of your 18 year journey.  Unfortunately, to many parents only work toward the goal of making their kids happy today, or this week, or this Christmas.  If you have no long term goals for your child, then as the old saying goes, your child will surely fail!!

4-H Club

There are many ways to break the selfishness in your child and prepare him for the world at large.  Some of the easiest examples is to be part of a sports team, academic club, youth group, band or music group, or any other activity that involves lots of other kids.  But even then, you must adhere to the larger picture.  There are to many parents that threaten coaches to take their kids off of teams if they don't let their Son be the star player.  The whole purpose is to be part of a TEAM.  To learn that you are one part of a larger machine. For example, band members know that their music is vital to the sound of the song but it is only one part. The song would sound bad without them but it would sound even worse with them alone.  Having your kid take part in some of these groups is gently teaching them to not be self centered.  Today's world has so many more things teaching kids to be selfish and introverted.  My parents didn't have to fight as many of these battles as we do.  But with a good plan and active parenting you can still turn out great kids.  And hopefully, look back at "selfies" as a silly passing fad.

Why does my thirteen year old need to shave?

My boy's mustache.

It seems we push kids faster and faster towards adulthood.  At the same time we are pushing age restrictions farther and farther into the twenties.  My sons attend a private school where a clean shaven face is required. While I'm all in favor of the dress code and other issues with appearance, I just don't see the harm in a little peach fuzz on a boy's lip.  So this year on the school's designated day to take ID pictures, my thirteen year old was told he would not be allowed to take his picture because he needed to shave.  I pretty much lost my mind.  I dragged him to every administrator and rule maker at the school.  I wanted them to tell me directly that his little bit of peach fuzz was detrimental to the school's image.  Needless to say, I got no where with my argument. He was quick to remind me that his older brother had to shave at the same age and he thought it was hysterical that his dad was upset about his baby boy having to shave.


So like everything else I had to do a little research into shaving.  Some of the facts and numbers on shaving surprised me.  My least favorite fact, and point of my argument, was that the average American boy starts shaving between the ages of 14 and 16.  Can I just get one more year?  A man that shaves regularly will spend 5 months of his life shaving.  Don't let the bureaucrats in D.C. know this, but Peter the Great of Russia imposed a tax on beards.  Amish men are clean shaven until they are married.  I guess once you marry a woman, you don't have to keep up your appearance any more.  Works for me.  The average guy will spend five grand on shaving supplies in his lifetime.  I think that's a little exaggerated but that's just my opinion.  And most men will shave an average of 20,000 times in their life.  So why start early?

Shaving kit

To me it's just a reminder of how fast we have to push our kids these days.  Not that I'm against teaching and pushing kids to learn.  I just happen to think kids should be allowed to play in the yard a little more. My two boys are teenagers and they still watch Sponge-Bob.  Personally, I think that's the stupidest show I've ever seen but if that's the part of childhood they hold on to, I'm all for it.  Kids are already in a big hurry to grow up.  Peach fuzz should be a part of your preteen years not a month in the summer you start 8th grade.  Yes I know, I'm just being an over protective dad.  I just want to be able to say that I didn't let important events slip by unnoticed.  Once a boy shaves next thing you know he's bringing home a girl.  Then he's driving away from your house with all his possessions.  So I'll do my best to cherish 13 while I can and reminisce about the one month of my son's life he was allowed to have peach fuzz.