How to become a stay at home Dad the hard way.

Some nine years ago my life took a dramatic change.  I had worked in a oil refinery for some sixteen years. I had a wife, who had a part time job and two young boys.  I literally worked night and day.  I rarely put in less than sixty hours a week and usually got closer to eighty a week.  It was my role in our family.  I made money that paid the bills and my wife raised our two sons.  I had back problems since I was seventeen. The doctors advised me for years to have fusion surgery and I quickly told them no every time.  They showed me many MRI's that showed the source of my pain.  My disc at L4-L5 was as flat as a pancake and protruding in every direction.  Still there would be no change in my opinion that the surgery was not for me.  Then came a bone density scan and everything changed.  Inside of my L4 vertebrae was a small tumor.  The doctors explained that it had a blood flow and "fat bodies" in it.  Meaning in due time it would become cancerous. When doctors throw around the big "C" word, you start to see things differently.

Three months later I was laying on a table waiting to be cut open.  The doctors proclaimed the fusion surgery a success.  Seven days later I was able to leave the hospital.  Then came nine months of unimaginable pain. I could do little other than roll around in the bed and cry like a baby. After that the pain subsided enough to start functioning in life again.  The doctors decided because of the pain issues and the numb left leg that I would not ever be released again to go back to work. Not to mention, no employer would ever let my scarred up back on to their work site for fear of liabilities.  This was a very hard pill to swallow.  Working was all I ever knew.  I was raised to get up in the morning and go to work until the work was done.  I put on my best game face and moved forward with the task of being a stay at home Dad.  Surely, taking care of the home and kids can't be that hard, can it?  A slight miscalculation on my part there.  Do you have any idea how much back it takes to clean the floor?  The answer, much more than I got!  Staying at home is hard work and keeping up with two boys is a full time job.  And the latter is where the real change kicked in.

At the time of my surgery, my Sons were eight and five years old.  All they knew of their Dad was he worked a lot and if he got home before bedtime he would play a few games of Super Mario with them. After surgery I got to know them for the first time.  When you spend hours doing homework, chores, carpools, and all the other jobs a Mom does you truly get to know your kid.  I saw that my boys had various gifts, talents, and abilities.  But none of those things will ever come to light if a parent doesn't cultivate them. Taking over the roll of raising the kids meant so much more than just washing clothes and packing lunches.  It meant pushing, coaching, and driving, those two boys to be everything their God given talents could possibly be. So maybe, my slight miscalculation was really a very big miscalculation.  What greater weight could someone possibly put on their shoulders than that of making sure a child reaches his full potential?

Being a stay at home Dad is hard work but the rewards are an indescribable joy.  The lows of not being able to have a job anymore are far surpassed by the high of seeing my Sons reach all their goals.  I finally understand why I was put on this Earth.  It certainly wasn't to have a plaque at the local refinery saying I put in fifty years of work.  It wasn't to amass wealth or keep up with the Jones'.  It was to make a better life for my kids.  Yes, that takes money.  My wife works two jobs to pay our bills and I gladly accept my roll to make sure our two boys achieve and excel everything they are destined to do.  I will have to write on another night of all the incredible moments I've been privileged to see in my kid's lives.  Just know that I may not have planned to be a stay at home Dad, but it sure has been a blessing in disguise.

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