Showing posts with label Parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Parenting. Show all posts

Thursday, May 8, 2014

Are you Parent enough to create Inertia?

Running Time!
I know it's cliche' but the most common question asked around here these days is, where has time gone? And it's getting worse by the minute.  It seems that time speeds up the older we get.  Not that long ago I was teaching a group of younger Scouts about the concept of being obedient.  I was explaining to them that at their ages (11 & 12) that obeying without question was important.  And later in life when they reach college age, say 20 or so they could start questioning some of the rules.  One of the boys raised his hand and said, "but Mr. Van, it's going to take forever to reach 20".  All I could do is double over in laughter as I tried to say, "It will be here in no time at all kid".  When you're young time seems to stand still, then as you age it picks up speed.  Then you have a kid and hold on for dear life.



Which brings me to life in my house.  We've lived the fast lane and arrived at our graduation month.  I have one graduating High School and one 8th grade.  So I thought we would just kick back and enjoy the month of May.  You know reminisce and reflect on all the good time and such.  That would be a big negative!  For the month so far my kids lives have sped up so fast I'm not sure what they look like.  My 8th grader goes to school all day then does Freshman football till 7pm every afternoon, then is locked in the office doing homework till bedtime.  My Senior gets up in the morning to go take AP placement tests then spend the rest of the day and late into the night working with his band director on a play at the local theater.  So much for kicking back for a few enjoyable weeks with my boys.  I just hope I can recognize them walking down the aisle on graduation day.



Inertia Racers
Trust me, none of this is by accident.  Ever since they were old enough to understand my boys have been pushed and pushed hard.  It was decided before their births that they would be made to try as many things as possible.  My boys did not have to make a life long habit of things but they had to try just about everything.  They've done sports, academics, music, scouts, aquatics, and even some social events.  The key was to explain to them that after this challenge, there will be another one.  If I told them they had the day off they wouldn't believe me.  They don't understand idleness and this sometimes conflicts with their friendships because other kids are raised just to sit and be idle.  The thing is once you set something in motion it tends to stay in motion.  Most people quote the simple law of physics of inertia, that states a body that is in motion tends to stay in motion.  But if you read the rest of the law of inertia it also states that a body at rest tends to stay at rest.  So to the crowd that says, "don't make little Johnny do something he doesn't want to do", I say you are cursing your kid.  Push your kid into motion and do it often.  Soon and very soon he will be in motion of his on choosing.



Monday, May 5, 2014

The lost Moral Obligations of a Parent!

Parent Approved
There seems to be more and more blurred lines today of what a parent is in this country.  After all, any two people with the right parts can "hook up" and make a baby.  Then head on down to the local welfare office and have the government be, for all intensive purposes, the parent of that child.  Or, the child can be raised by it's grandparents or some one more responsible than it's actual biological birth parents.  All of those things are well documented and worthy of much debate.  The bigger issue I've seen as of late is the problem of so called "good married couples" that have kids and do absolutely nothing with them.


You know the one's I'm talking about.  They have kids but your not really sure why they have kids.  They don't teach them anything.  Their kid's language, social, and mental skills are far behind other kids their ages. After you interact with them you whisper to your wife, "I wonder what goes on in that house?".  These are the kids that go to school to learn but if the the teacher doesn't teach it in class there is no chance in hell it will be done as homework.  Outings as a family usually consist of mom and dad painting the town red will the kids are locked in their rooms.  My question is why even have a child?  Is there nothing in you that makes you want to make your offspring the best that he can be?  Where is your moral obligation to empower your kid to be well equipped for his life ahead of him?  Are you not at least a little bit curious at to what insane talent might be locked up inside that life force you brought into this world?  Don't you owe it to the rest of humanity to explore every aspect of your child's abilities to find out what his unique contribution to this world is?  I know I'm asking a lot, but surely you had kids for some greater purpose than to sit on the couch and what the Game Show Network!


Working with child.
I work with kids on a number of different levels.  I heard it all about how kids go astray for this reason or that reason.  I can tell you that at the core of everyone of those reasons is parental involvement.  Whether it's school work, work ethic, social skills, church life, morals, or just plain good manners it all starts with parental involvement.  If you are adult enough to bring a child into this world and call yourself a parent, you should have the moral decency to do everything in your power to raise the best possible person you can.  Otherwise your just a DNA donor and don't deserve any more credit than that.  Have some more decency about you and live up to your parental obligations.


Monday, April 28, 2014

What is your child's signature?

Kids playing together.
We are all proud of our children.  It comes with the territory.  It's part of being a parent.  We are proud of our kid's first cry, first tooth, first step, and first day of school.  We celebrate everything they do, whether it's good like winning a science fair or bad like macaroni art.  We still make a big fuss over it because they are our kids and we need to build up their confidence.  The question is, what is your kid known for by people that are not his relatives?  What is your kid's calling card?  What is your kid's signature?


All to often a kid's signature is very negative.  You can test this out at your local Walmart, either in the checkout line or near the toy section.  Whining, crying, spoiled, (and a few other choice words I choose not to use on my blog) bunch of brats are the calling cards of far to many kids.  Or let's take a more realistic approach, let's ask the teachers at your kid's school what would be your kid's signature?  Would your kid be labeled as kind and generous by the teachers?  Or would he be labeled as a loner and introvert?  Or would reality hit home and truth be told that your kid's calling card is he is rude, disrespectful, and disruptive? Of course I'm being a tease, your child's signature is told to you more often than not.  Only those that choose to live in fantasy land don't hear what is said about their kid's character and behavior.

I take great pride and joy in my two Sons and all their many accomplishments.  But more important than all their trophies, awards, scores, and accolades is their character.  When someone tells me they are impressed my one of them being kind or courteous it means the world to me.  But on the other hand if word gets to me that one of them has done something disrespectful, then there is a beeline from me to him. You can ask either one of them on this. I don't wait a single minute to confront them on character issues. Then I hear someone speak of how my Son is friends with all his classmates, it tells me I've done something right.  Just last night, we left church and my oldest called me. He asked if I had taken River Road as the way home.  I said no and asked why?  He said there was a bad accident and someone was thrown from their vehicle and he had stopped to help them until the ambulance got there.  Most parents would have freaked out hearing their seventeen year old was at a bad accident scene.  I just turn to the wife and said, "Our Son is being himself, he'll be home shortly.".  His character had kicked in and someone's well being was more important than his fancy church clothes he was wearing.  His signature was showing loud and clear.
A kid's signature.

You see, I know what my kids' signatures are in this life.  It's to always do the best they can at the task they have set in front of them.  To be appreciative of the life they have and respectful of the life around them. And help other people every chance they get.  They may not get an A+ 100 every day, but they pass enough tests to get that reputation.  And as a Father, what more can I ask?  Have you figured out what your child's signature is yet?


Monday, April 14, 2014

There's always a bigger pond!

Big Fish in the Pond!
Recently the wife and I got to tag along with my oldest as he went to LSU to an early Orientation/Testing invitation for kids that have really high academic achievements.  We were there with about six hundred other sets of proud parents.  All of us grinning from ear to ear that our kid had been selected for this prestigious honor.  While the kids took their tests, we parents were sent into large theaters to listen to chancellors talk about everything from GPA's, to dorms, and even saying good byes on move in day.  After the second test, which was Calculus, my Son text me to meet him at the lunch line.  While waiting in the line he informed me that no less than fifteen of the three hundred taking the test stood up with in minutes of receiving the test and turned it in.  The proctor asked if there was a problem and the students replied they had never seen anything like this.  While standing in the line I could overhear several other students complain to their parents how badly they had bombed the Calculus test.

How could this be?  How could the best of the best on ACT scores and High School GPA's not know what was waiting for them at the next level?  The answer is very simple.  We as parents, teachers, coaches, mentors, and the like teach our kids to be the biggest fish in the pond they are in.  We rarely teach them or prepare them for the next pond they are going to advance to.  This is not just an academic thing.  This happens at the local ball field as well.  To often a coach will have Little Johnny be the best slugger at the local recreation field but when invited to go to try out for a minor league team, he can't hit the broad side of a barn.  Surely this is crazy talk on my part.  But it's just part of human nature.  We want to be the best in the environment we are in, even if that means ignoring long term needs.  And we all to often transfer this to our kids.  We want our kid to win the big trophy at the local event without any consideration of what benefits it is or is not giving him for the next level of life.

Celebrate your kids real accomplishments!
What good is it to have the best GPA or ACT in your High School if your not ready for college?  Bragging rights and a job at the oil change shop?  What good is it to be the most decorated ball player in your district if you aren't able to make it to the next level?  A case full of trophies to collect dust in your subsidized house? Achievements at any level are a good thing and worthy of praise, but they must be seen as building blocks. If you are not prepping for the next level up, or excuse the expression a bigger pond, then you are just wasting your talent.  By all means celebrate your child's good grades, ACT scores, home runs, swim meet medals, and every other accomplishment, but make sure it's all part of a bigger plan to prepare him for a bigger pond in the long run.  No one ever remembers who was the Valedictorian of the Eighth grade but everyone knows who the name of Microsoft's CEO!  Make sure you are aiming for that next and bigger pond in everything you and your kid does and things in life will be a lot smoother for everyone.

Monday, March 10, 2014

Remember asking, "What do you want to do this weekend, Honey?"

Full contact parenting.
In the Bordelon house we are in the 7th inning stretch of the year of Epic Graduationness!  With 12th and 8th grade graduations in two and a half months our days are on lock down. Penny and I walk around with a paper calendar full to the brim and our phone full of electronic dates.  Gone are the free weekends.  Out the window are the "date nights", that's for newlyweds.  And the age of dropping off little ones at grandma's for a weekend getaway are the things of myth for us.  We are on a rail to complete a goal and no selfishness will deter us from all that must be accomplished to get there.  If you are unwilling to sacrifice for a child then I suggest something other than parenting.


How do you plan a selfish night out when you need to have Senior pictures taken.  When you price a hotel room on the coast and see the deposit for your Son's dorm, is there really a choice?  When your 8th grader has an opportunity to take test and compete academically do you really look the other way?  We love to get together with our friends, but we are not about to miss the last concert of our Son's High School career. That new restaurant with it's romantic meals sure sounds great, but my boy is throwing nine pound balls into the air this weekend, so it will have to wait.  Then again, I've never understood people that don't attend their kid's functions.  We are blessed with two talented boys. My oldest has excelled at band, academics, and math.  I have never missed a band function, and why would I?  It was only five years, I've been around for forty three.  I think sacrificing five is minor league in the big picture.  My younger is excelling at football, track and field, academics, and math.  In his elementary football years I've missed one game due to flooding.  I have no intention of missing any High School games.  What's four football years in the course of my life?  Why bring kids into this world if you are not going to pour your life into them?  To have kids and put a roof over their heads while you go off and have your mid-life crisis is just the most selfish thing I can think of in this world.  It's a real head scratch-er for me.



End of a short journey.
So we march on with our date with destiny.  Our goal, to raise two whole, complete young men.  While the nay-sayers will shout things like, "think of yourself" and "you are worshiping your kids".  I say, it's better than worshiping myself.  I choose to enjoy the weekends filled with trips to colleges, end of year concerts, banquets, awards ceremonies, rehearsals, etc, etc, etc.  When our job is done, the wife and I will find a sandy beach and sink our tired, broken-down bodies into it for a spell.  Enjoy some alone time, rejuvenate, and do so with a big smile knowing we've poured all we could into our boys.  But until then our calendar will be locked up with the task at hand.  Because that's why we came together, to raise kids that will be the best things we can set forth on this Earth.  Despite what this world is, and despite what short comings we may have.  In the end don't judge us for our weekend getaways, judge us for the offspring we've left behind.




Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Sometimes you just have to let a ship sail and a kid walk on his own.

Anchored in!
We all have a little bit of a perfectionist in us.  We want things to be just so.  If we build things, we want them built just right.  Although I have no desire to build sailboats, I find people that build them fascinating.  There are so many ways and styles to build a sailboat.  And even after you pick and choose and build the actual boat, then there is the sanding and shaping of the hull.  Boat builders take great pride in the way their boat cuts through the water.  Often, spending as much time sanding and shaping the hull as they do actually building the boat.  I read an article about a man that spent twenty six years of his life perfecting his sailboat before taking it out to sea. I mean really, at some point you just got to put her in the water and let her sail.


We as parents do the exact same thing with our kids.  When we first teach them to walk we often hold own to their little hand longer than we need to.  Yes they are going to reach for our hand.  It's always the easy way out.  But sometimes the easy way is not the best way.  The truth is, this is the first big test of trust.  Not trust of the child.  Trust of your own parenting skills.  Sooner or later, you just have to trust that you've taught them what they need to know and they will be able to navigate the skills of walking without you holding their little hand anymore.  Then a few short years later, you find yourself running behind a bicycle.  You're bent over with your hand under the seat because you've taken the training wheels off in an effort to boost your child's self esteem.  You can feel it in your hand that your kid is ready to take off on his own but your just not quite ready to let go.  It's a matter of belief in the lessons that you have taught.  It's an exercise  in self doubt. You can repeat yourself over and over but sooner or later, you just have to let your little one ride on without your hand.  But with the confidence of all your knowledge safely instilled in him.


The end of Parenting.
It's no different when we get to the end of our kid's childhood.  You've done your job.  You've warned against the dangerous things.  You've given the driving lessons.  Discussed uncomfortable subjects such as drinking, drugs, sex, and bad company.  You have had your had at the steering wheel for eighteen years, all throughout school, relationships, sports clubs, and every aspect of their lives.  You've instilled all that is in you into them. It's a massive leap of faith to just let that kid sail off into the waters.  But here's the beautiful part.  That kid was shaped to cut through the water by your hand.  As long as your hand was active in shaping that kid, I can assure you, he will perform the way your hand molded him to perform.  It's hard to give up your creation to the world, but you will be overwhelmed with pride when that creation performs better than your design had intended it to.

Happy Sailing My Friends.


Monday, February 3, 2014

A parent's need to shelter can lead to shock treatment for a child.

Happy Parenting
As parents we all want the best for our children.  We all want to provide a wonderful, loving home.  Every parent hopes their child has exceptional physical, mental, and social skills and will be in an environment that acknowledges those great attributes. We want our children to be exposed to the best educational opportunities possible.  Parents want their child surrounded by teachers, coaches, peers, and mentors that will only speak positive and encouraging words into their lives. We want the best life possible and definitely a better life than we had when we were children. In short, parents want to shelter their kids from the bad things in the world and only expose them to the good.  But is this the best for your child in the long run? And the answer is, no.



It's absolutely staggering to me how many kids today have never worked a job before they make 18.  Or how many kids have never had to fend for themselves until the day they leave for college.   Come on people, it's only common sense.  If Little Johnny has never had to punch a time clock or answer to some grumpy boss before 18 the learning curve is going to be extremely steep.  And no, having Little Susie watch here younger cousins for money does not count.  Getting a part time job at 16 or 17 is a lesson in how much the real world really sucks.  Vital lessons in what it's like to be at the bottom of the food chain are taught at these minimum wage, menial jobs.  Even if your child is going to college to be a rocket scientist, the lessons of a part time, minimum wage job are invaluable to a child in the long term plan of making a complete adult.  And those parents that shield their kids from these lessons will be compensating for it for years and years to come.  And if you send your kid off to college without having the know how to wash clothes, clean dishes, cook food, or bathe himself.......you just might have a thirtysomething living on your couch for during your golden years.


My oldest is a Senior in High School and we've been doing the College tour thing.  We have gone to quite a few Universities and sat through a many a presentation.  Some of the best and most eye opening looks into the colleges are the ones that have college Seniors available to answer questions.  Just the other day we were at LSU and they had a 5 Seniors answering questions.  3 of them admitted to Freshman shock.  One said it was because he had never worked a job before and it translated into not knowing how to adjust to being the low man in the pecking order.  The other two said that living without the help of parents and so far from home was the shock that took and entire year to get over.  They adjusted and are going to graduate as fine students of their school, but I'm glad to hear their honesty of how shocking the real world is when they left the nest of their sheltered home.  The sooner you start adjusting your child to the real world the easier his transition will be into it.

College life without Mommy!





Monday, January 27, 2014

"Selfies" Are proof that we are teaching our children to be self centered.

Typical Selfie
Unless you have been living in a cave or stranded on an island with a volleyball, you've heard of the term "selfie".  This is nothing more than a self portrait taken from a smart phone, usually at arms length. Sometimes it is taken using a mirror.  The picture is then posted on a social media site.  Selfies have become so popular that the Oxford dictionary has added it as a word in it's November 2013 revisions.  There are also Selfie Olympics and an entire culture based on these self portraits. Samsung estimates that 30 percent of the pictures taken on their devices are considered selfies. One fascinating study discovered that a majority of the selfies turned to expose the left cheek.  This is rooted in how the brain configures its on perception of the body and can be seen in paintings by famous artist in just about every painting style in history.  Selfies are not "evil" or something that will lead to big trouble for your child.  It is after all, part of the American landscape these days.  But it does reinforce some very bad habits we have of letting our children be self centered and limits their thinking of the world around them.



With the advent of social media selfies allow people and more specifically girls to feed their need to be accepted by the masses.  While acceptance by your peers is important it is not the end of the journey and it is definitely not something that should consume a teenagers every waking moment.  At home your child is often the center of attention.  Then your little one grows up and heads out into the real world and discovers that he or she is one of many, this is often disastrous.  If your child doesn't know how to be part of a group or team that is bigger than he or she is, then all the education in the world is doing them no good.  Selfies, lavish gifts, and Mommy and Daddy fixing everything will never teach a child to be one part of a larger group.  And yes, society is partly to blame.  We live in a selfish, introverted, take care of only yourself world. But excuses won't help your child when he or she meets the shock of the real world not worshiping their every whim.  Your job as a parent is to look toward the final goal.  You are working to make a complete adult at the end of your 18 year journey.  Unfortunately, to many parents only work toward the goal of making their kids happy today, or this week, or this Christmas.  If you have no long term goals for your child, then as the old saying goes, your child will surely fail!!


4-H Club
There are many ways to break the selfishness in your child and prepare him for the world at large.  Some of the easiest examples is to be part of a sports team, academic club, youth group, band or music group, or any other activity that involves lots of other kids.  But even then, you must adhere to the larger picture.  There are to many parents that threaten coaches to take their kids off of teams if they don't let their Son be the star player.  The whole purpose is to be part of a TEAM.  To learn that you are one part of a larger machine. For example, band members know that their music is vital to the sound of the song but it is only one part. The song would sound bad without them but it would sound even worse with them alone.  Having your kid take part in some of these groups is gently teaching them to not be self centered.  Today's world has so many more things teaching kids to be selfish and introverted.  My parents didn't have to fight as many of these battles as we do.  But with a good plan and active parenting you can still turn out great kids.  And hopefully, look back at "selfies" as a silly passing fad.

Friday, November 1, 2013

An Open Hand is the only way to ensure Self Preservation!

Family
In today's world we are taught at an early age that the only thing that matters it what can we get for ourselves.  If something doesn't benefit us directly then we should not partake in it.  If something costs us then we should avoid it like the plague.  Today's motto seems to be, live as long as you can while doing as little as you can and getting as much as you can with as little effort on your part as possible.   This seems like a great idea in theory, but when you put it into practice it comes up short every time.


The most obvious point to look at is the basic need to have a child.  While some would quickly put this in the self preservation category it is just the opposite.  Carrying a baby to term is very dangerous to a woman's body and has long lasting effects.  In short being pregnant is not keeping your body at optimum health, it's straining it to ridiculous limits.  Obviously women who have children are not into self preservation. Then there's the endless nights of crying and colic.  Getting up after only twenty minutes of sleep is disastrous for your health.  Who would do such?  Next up are the toddler years.  The twenty four hour screaming match!  Your stress level is through the roof.  There aren't enough blood pressure pills in the world to ensure you live to your maximum age.  Elementary school comes along and you swear you've failed the fourth grade for the fourth time.  And now every time one of your kid's classmates has a cold, you catch it as well.  Not exactly the path of someone that is trying to live the safest life possible.  And I don't care how many sanitized wipes you own, if one kid in the class has the stomach bug there will be puking in your house.  Then you hit the teen years, God help you.  Dance recitals, camp outs, ball games, practices, field trips, science projects, more practices, competitions, music lessons, proms, college visits, more practices, and on, and on.  It will be over in a blur and your hair will be gray and your health will not be much better. You will have given all of your self and left nothing in reserve. In order to raise a successful child you must be the most un-self preserving person on the planet.


Lend some one a hand today.
To often we take the "you can have your cake and eat it too" approach to raising kids.  We bring kids into this world with full intentions of self preservation.  This philosophy says the school, church, and government is responsible for raising my kid while I live my life.  Let me just warn you, that you get out what you put in.  Do something half way and you will get a half way done job.  The only path that leads to true self preservation is to open yourself up and give it all away.  If you give all of yourself away to the next generation only then can you ensure that you and your beliefs will live own for another lifetime.  Playing the self preservation game and keeping it all to yourself only ensures that everything you've every learned and earned in this life gets buried with you.  An open hand is the only path to self preservation.  I hope you share some of yourself with someone today.

Monday, September 30, 2013

Do your kids a favor and teach them the "hard" way.

Drive Through Automated Teller.
We live a life of many conveniences.  So many things are done for us, or automated.  Between drive-throughs and one stop shopping, we no longer understand how things are made or done.  If the expression, "knowledge is power" is true, then we no longer value power or knowledge.  We don't want to know how things are made.  As long as our gadgets work we are happy to be ignorant on how they work.  We don't care what continent the shelf item came from, as long as it's cheap and readily available.  We are creating a society that is totally dependent on someone else for food, transportation, household appliances, and life in general.


The question is, does leaning on all these conveniences the best way to prepare you child for life?  Why wouldn't you teach your children how to cook their own food?  Believe it or not, I've had parents tell me that teaching cooking to their children was not important, because food is readily available.  So I guess since there are dry cleaners, you don't have to teach kids how to wash clothes.  Since there are mechanic shops, you don't need to check the fluids in your car?  Without teaching kids the way things work all you are doing is creating users.  You are not enabling your kid to be self sufficient.  We all want to protect our kids but sometimes you have to push them into the fire so they can get some real world experience.  There are so many opportunities passed up it really scary.  Simply open the hood of your car and teach your kid a few basics.  Or teach them to make a cake at home instead of buying one at the store.  Something as simple as cutting grass will teach them that things don't just get done without work and effort.


Nothing wrong with cleaning your own meal.
If children are our future why not teach them how things work from the ground up.  We all want the best life for our kids, but making their life easy in the short run will lead to a harder life in the long run.  Being totally dependent on others for the simplest things in life should not be the goal of parenting.  Teaching kids the "hard" way may not make you the most popular parent but it will make you the most successful.

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

DISCIPLINE! If parents don't have it kids never will.

Children by flickr
It goes without saying that it's a different world today.  There are no more consequences for incorrect behavior anymore.  Today's kids seem to have no discipline, respect, or manners.  But the question is why? What is different?  Are teachers teaching differently?  Are coaches, mentors, and leaders of kid's clubs no longer trying to hold kids accountable?  The short answer is no, but somehow the proven techniques of the past are falling short.  We have entered the era of feel good parenting.  And it's coming with the staggering price of kids and adults not having respect for anything or anyone in this world.

Parents today no longer want to be seen as the disciplinarian in their child's eyes.  I'm guessing that these parents have some need to be accepted by their children.  So being the enforcer of rules runs contrary to this need to have your child approving of you and thus making you feel like someone loves you.  Some would quickly blame divorced households for the competing factors of parents seeking their kid's approval.  But it is no longer just for kids of divorced parents.  There are parents that live in the same home competing against one another.  These parents will say that they want their child to have discipline.  After all that's why they send them to school, or play sports.  The problems come when the teacher, coach, or mentor makes a rule and the parent doesn't back it up.  If your child is failing a class and you accept his excuses then you undermine all the discipline that a teacher is trying to instill in your child.  If you tell a coach that your child is special and shouldn't have to run laps after practice, then you have destroyed his tried and true method of making a child live up to their potential.  Letting a coach, teacher, or mentor push your kid is not going to harm them.  Kids thrive under the right amount of pressure.  Your child can excel at anything in this life if he is pushed out of the nest.  The lessons of discipline are so crucial in raising a child to be a productive member of society.  Why do parents think that their baby can bypass this important step?

A little discipline never hurt.
A child first sees discipline at work in his home.  Your child takes note on whether or not you have the discipline to stick to your words.  A child will push and prod to see if you will stay disciplined in things such as bedtimes, eating correct foods, saying things like thank you and yes sir, and all the other little things that should take place in the home.  If your five year old doesn't have a bedtime, you are setting yourself up for a child that doesn't respect your rules or the rules of society.  Being a parent is hard.  Your commitment to bringing a child in this world requires you to have discipline in your on life.  Being the popular parent when your child is young will lead to a willful young adult that insults you every time you don't intervene and tell his boss that he is special.  If you don't hold yourself to a standard, your child will never hold himself to a standard.  Discipline must start at home.

I pray my rant is overstated.  I fear a world where discipline, respect, and manners are not only no longer taught but forgotten all together.



Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Want to have a kid? Get your track shoes ready!

Ready, set, go!
So you and the wife have decided to have a kid or two.  How's your health?  Have you taken a stress test lately?  Do any cardio exercises?   Maybe you should.  From the moment your child is born the clock is ticking.  Want to reminisce the moment of your child's birth?  Forget that, the baby has a feeding due in twenty minutes.  Want to enjoy his first steps?  Nope, it's time to rush to the store to get the right shoes.  Looking forward to your toddler's experiences in learning?  Oh well, time to get Junior to the Pre-K.  Having a kid is hard work.  These silly commercials showing moms and dads sitting around and watching their kid grow up is pure fantasy.  If you are not planning ahead then you are holding Junior back.  So get in high gear!


The fact of the matter is most parents don't foresee or plan for their child's development.  And even before Junior comes out of the womb, he is developing.  So you are already behind the curve.  One of the worst catch phrases out their is, "I think it's time to settle down and have kids".  It should be, "I need to clear my schedule to have some kids".  Unlike you, everyday your kid is growing, learning and developing new skills. If you are not providing an environment for these things to take place, then you are preventing Junior from becoming all he can.  In America, we have the "Great Babysitter" also known as the television.  Yes, Junior's mind is being engaged by the TV but his body is sitting idle.  But mom and dad need some down time, right? Well that may be true, but Junior's body has one gear.  Junior's body needs to go full throttle every day until his body says, "nap time".  Don't let your kid's first experience with the great outdoors come at school. Want to prevent allergies?  Expose Junior to the outdoor air and all it's pollen little by little. His mind is expanding at a rate that is hard to comprehend.  If the only new information he is exposed to is something that Patrick tells Sponge-Bob, you are wasting a precious mind.  If he can read on a 1st grade level, then you need to get off your butt and find him some 2nd grade books.  Want Junior to interact well with the other kids and teacher?  Then have him interact with other kids and adults on a regular basis.  Success is never an accident. It takes planning and vision to make a successful kid.


Speedy Dad provided by flickr.
So parents, get your track shoes on and get in high gear.  Yes, take a minute every once and a while and savor the moment.  Then get back to the race.  Eighteen years will fly by.  Will you just sit back and watch it pass by or will do everything you can to make the most of it?  Junior is watching and he is taking notes. He will definitely remember if his mom and dad did all they could to keep up with him.  And you will have the satisfaction of knowing you put forth every effort to make him all he can be.  


Monday, September 9, 2013

Why does my thirteen year old need to shave?

My boy's mustache.
It seems we push kids faster and faster towards adulthood.  At the same time we are pushing age restrictions farther and farther into the twenties.  My sons attend a private school where a clean shaven face is required. While I'm all in favor of the dress code and other issues with appearance, I just don't see the harm in a little peach fuzz on a boy's lip.  So this year on the school's designated day to take ID pictures, my thirteen year old was told he would not be allowed to take his picture because he needed to shave.  I pretty much lost my mind.  I dragged him to every administrator and rule maker at the school.  I wanted them to tell me directly that his little bit of peach fuzz was detrimental to the school's image.  Needless to say, I got no where with my argument. He was quick to remind me that his older brother had to shave at the same age and he thought it was hysterical that his dad was upset about his baby boy having to shave.


So like everything else I had to do a little research into shaving.  Some of the facts and numbers on shaving surprised me.  My least favorite fact, and point of my argument, was that the average American boy starts shaving between the ages of 14 and 16.  Can I just get one more year?  A man that shaves regularly will spend 5 months of his life shaving.  Don't let the bureaucrats in D.C. know this, but Peter the Great of Russia imposed a tax on beards.  Amish men are clean shaven until they are married.  I guess once you marry a woman, you don't have to keep up your appearance any more.  Works for me.  The average guy will spend five grand on shaving supplies in his lifetime.  I think that's a little exaggerated but that's just my opinion.  And most men will shave an average of 20,000 times in their life.  So why start early?


Shaving kit
To me it's just a reminder of how fast we have to push our kids these days.  Not that I'm against teaching and pushing kids to learn.  I just happen to think kids should be allowed to play in the yard a little more. My two boys are teenagers and they still watch Sponge-Bob.  Personally, I think that's the stupidest show I've ever seen but if that's the part of childhood they hold on to, I'm all for it.  Kids are already in a big hurry to grow up.  Peach fuzz should be a part of your preteen years not a month in the summer you start 8th grade.  Yes I know, I'm just being an over protective dad.  I just want to be able to say that I didn't let important events slip by unnoticed.  Once a boy shaves next thing you know he's bringing home a girl.  Then he's driving away from your house with all his possessions.  So I'll do my best to cherish 13 while I can and reminisce about the one month of my son's life he was allowed to have peach fuzz.

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

The "must haves" in child raising.

Image by flickr
In today's world it's all about the must haves in life.  Personally, I hate the must haves.  You'd be surprised on how little we need to survive, but that's just me.  Most of the time the must haves are for personal status symbols.  The guy down the street got a motorbike so I must have a Harley to keep up.  People I went to school with live in a three hundred grand house on the golf course, so I must have one to save face.  It doesn't matter they work at a law firm and I work at the local hardware store.  It even applies to stay at home moms.  If little Johnny's mom has a Lexus in the car pool line, then by all means we have to get an eighty thousand dollar car to pick up Suzy from school.

The problem comes when the keeping up with the Jones attitude is applied to raising kids.  Ask these parents about little Johnny's clothing and they will tell you in great detail about which high fashion mall boutique they buy those in style threads.  Ask them about little Johnny's Biology teacher and they don't know so much about that.  If every other kid has $300 pair of headphones named after a famous rapper then little Johnny will have that asap.  Do we buy little Johnny the latest encyclopedia CD or online subscription?  No, not really in the cool category so maybe later.  This year the hottest going jersey is a Chris Paul limited edition at $178.  Do we buy that and have little Johnny sit home all summer or use that money to send him to camp to learn and interact with other kids?  And my least favorite is the bloody I phone.  No, not just an I phone an I phone 5 is the only thing that will do!


Image by wikimedia.
The question I have is what good does all this do for the kid in the long run?  What is the purpose, desire, and goal of raising a kid?  If you goal is to have a kid that feels like he is cool, then stick to the trendy fashion boutiques.  The supposed purpose is to raise a kid to have a better life.  In today's world, a better life requires one thing, a degree.  The chasm between the people that have an education and the one's that don't is growing exponentially.  Your trendy child is going to make minimum wage and blow his entire paycheck on the newest smart phone.  So that means he's going to live with you for a very, very long time.  But if you invest in your child's education with more than an ambivalent attitude, then he will be driven to get that degree and be able to sustain himself. He will be part of the crowd that demands and gets top pay at any job he seeks out.   Kids take note of everything you do, including your attitude towards their education.  So make sure they see you put as much value into education as you do any other thing.  This world is split right down the middle based on education.  The question is what half of the must have fence are you falling on?

It's so easy to get caught up in the rat race these days.  I hope your children give you the focus it takes to look at the bigger picture.  There future depends on it.

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Back to School Shopping; A Dad's Nightmare!

Image by Elev8.
It's August!  It's hot!  And it's time to go back to school shopping!  Double dislike.  Being a stay at home Dad has many advantages.  I love being at every football game, band performance, track meet, and camp out.  Making connections with my two boys on a daily basis is very rewarding.  Then there is the mass hysteria called, back to school shopping.  Can someone please dig up Dante' Alighieri's bones and breath life into them so he can add one more level of hell to his Divine Comedy?  Don't get me wrong, I am all in for education.  I want my boys to be well equipped for the year ahead, but there must be a better way.


My boys are going into the 8th and 12th grades.  Yes May is going to be an all out graduation blowout at the Bordelon residence.  So it's mostly high school supplies on the list.  Their lists include items such as binders, three subject notebooks, index cards, and graphing calculators.  You know the kind of calculators that can do math without numbers, but get high score at the register.  There's also some what I would refer to as the kindergarten leftovers, such as color pencils, eight pack markers, and paste.  I guess you're never to old to eat some paste.  My problem is in the going to the store and fighting hand to hand combat to retrieve all these things.  I don't mind being the shopper for the family.  I've learned what days are safe to slip into the local Walmart and what days to stay far, far away from that Hell.  For reasons beyond me every store has to have a special section just for back to school shopping and it has to have big, bright, flashing signs to advertise it's existence.  I think it's a waste of money to make all these signs when the three ring circus battle can be seen from the interstate.  Surely, everyone loves to be in a death match with the mother of three screaming kids over the 99 cent pack of markers!  And who doesn't enjoy the sweet sounds of a seven year old screaming, "But I want the Transformers back pack Mommy!"  *insert sniffling*  Everyone should have the heart warming satisfaction of watching twelve year old girls rip apart the last One Direction notebook.  It truly is something to experience.

Picture courtesy of the Daily Beast
This year my two job working wife was able to help me with this nifty little chore.  Actually, we used half of our date night and slipped into the Target store.  We thought, this store is much more high scale and should have a much more organized back to school section.  We were wrong!  I've seen natural disasters look better than these three aisles.  My wife handled it with style and grace, while I did everything I could to rush the operation as much as I could.  On the ride home, from date night, I couldn't help but think, "there has to be a more civilized way to go about preparing our Sons for education".  In the end our kids have all the school supplies they need.  Not to mention the school uniforms, shoes, cleats, gym clothes, band shirts, saxophone reeds, updated eye prescriptions, mouth pieces, socks, underwear, and a few other must have items.  All will be forgotten with the first day of school.  Our focus will turn to remembering and cherishing every moment of their Senior and 8th grade years.  As much as I love being a stay at home Dad, I guess there will never come a day where shopping is a job perk.

Hope everyone has a happy and successful school year!



Sunday, August 4, 2013

Milestones Ahead! Please don't hit the Brakes.

Photo by flickr
As parents their are so many milestones we reach in raising our kids.  Obviously, the first big memorable moment is when you take your child home from the hospital.  The euphoria of bringing your little bundle of joy home is quickly replaced by crying, dirty diapers, and sleepless nights.  It's easy to look back at the first day home as the only great day of being a parent.  In due time life gets into a more comfortable rhythm and soon you are on top of the next big day. The day your child takes his first steps.  Your so excited that you don't realize that you now have to pick everything up to keep the new little track star from grabbing everything in the house. Then comes kindergarten followed by the first day of high school and all of a sudden it's graduation day.  It really goes by that fast, but is it over at that point?


Dealing with the milestones in our kid's lives is no different than the milestones in any life. It's great to celebrate your child's first steps but you also have to press on to the next challenge or your kid will never learn to speak.  Just like it's great to celebrate getting that job you always wanted, but if you don't get busy with the job you won't have it long.  In my home the 2013-2014 school year is going to be one for marking major milestones.  In May the wife and I will watch as one Son graduates 8th grade and the other Son graduates from High School.  We will find many ways to celebrate and make memories of the occasion and make a big fuss over the boys.  Then after the festivities it will be time to tell the boys, "great job, now get on with the next challenge in your life."  One will face High School and the other College, but if we only live in the moments of May 2014 neither one will succeed in their next challenge.  And that is where the danger lays.  If graduating from school is the greatest accomplishment in one's life then there will be little or no emphasis put on the next challenge ahead.  If you let a child make a single accomplishment as the end of his challenges in life then he has met the end of his ability to make himself better.

Photo by Google
If you've anointed some day as the greatest day of you life then you've lost all reasons to strive for something better. You basically stop in mid-life.  All the work you put into your resume to get that dream job shouldn't end because you accomplished one goal.  If you work non-stop to catch a young lady's attention then ignore her after she says, "I do", you won't stay married for long. Everything in this life requires work to keep up and maintain.  That goes for relationships, raising kids, jobs, and lifestyle. If you rest on your laurels opportunities will pass you by at lightning speed.  It's great to celebrate big milestones.  It builds confidence and self esteem.  But please don't let a milestone become a stopping point in your life. If you live in the past then the future doesn't hold anything for you.  Always strive to make the next day the greatest day of your life.  With that attitude the future will always be bright.

Friday, August 2, 2013

Tossed about on the Winds.

Picture courtesy of Geograph.
In today's world, everyone has a position or opinion on every subject imaginable.  Whether you're conservative or liberal, eco-friendly or not, pro guns, or woman's rights, we seem to define ourselves by these so called stances.  The problem is people change their positions on things more than they bathe.  "Well, I was for big oil but now that political parties in power have changed, I'm all for the environment", please tell me you've never heard someone say that.  And yes, people are allowed to learn from their mistakes but not every five minutes.  I just happen to think that your philosophies in life shouldn't be tossed around like a tumbleweed in the wind.

While I could write an endless rant about politicians on this subject, I think I'll stick to one of my favorite topics, Parenting.  I can't tell you how many of my buddies were so excited and pumped up for the birth of their child.  They would come home from the hospital with a completely different look on life.  They would make promises to be a Super Dad.  They were going to be the Tee Ball coach, the Scout leader, Dance recital fanatic, and Cheerleader Dad of the decade.  Then before little Johnny or Susie makes their fourth birthday, Dad has found something more interesting.  Whether it's sports, leisure, or neglect, little Johnny is no longer the most important thing in their life.  How can you be so passionate about something and just drift off to another thing?  How do you explain to your kid that his "newness" has worn off?  Bet that conversation does wonders for little Susie's self esteem.  Sorry sweetie, maybe the wind will change direction and pouring my life into you will come back in style.  Moms on the other hand take a little longer to fizzle out.  In fact the problem is sometimes Mom doesn't ever fizzle out.  When little Johnny was born the promise was to raise and nurture him until he's ready to be his own man. Some Moms don't stick to the plan.  When it comes time to push little Johnny out of the nest, the winds of Motherhood blow and Johnny is babied until he's thirty.  These Moms create what a friend of mine calls a "adult-child hybrid".  Like the commercial when thirty year old little Johnny comes home and Mom has a "smothered burrito" waiting for him. Why would little Johnny ever want to get married and move out with that kind of treatment at home?

Picture courtesy of Wikipedia.
Sticking to your beliefs applies to more than just parenting.  If you believe that donating your time to feed the homeless is a worthy cause, don't let some bitter conspiracy theorist turn you against that.  If you believe in standing up for battered women is a just thing to do, then don't let the fact that one woman abused the system steer you away from your work. If you believe in God, would you stop because people are protesting outside your church?  I personally donate a ridiculous amount of time to Scouting, and we are in the middle of a wind driven firestorm.  But my belief is that boys need men to teach them skills in this life and no political incited controversy is going to stop me from doing what I'm dedicated to doing. Never let someone else's words, actions, or ugliness dictate what you believe in.  In the end it's not how hard the winds blew, it's how well you stayed the course.

Sunday, July 28, 2013

Just a Parent! Watching my Son receive his Eagle Rank.

2012 Eagle Badge


So tonight was the big night.  After months of planning, we finally pulled off my Son's Eagle Court of Honor.  My Son made Eagle on December 23, 2012, but you have to have a ceremony to wear the badge.  Being the highest honor in Scouting and only 2 percent of Scouts ever earn it, the ceremony is for the Eagle recipient alone.  I have had the privilege of attending and even being emcee of many of these events.  It is always a special occasion and pride seems to abound in the room.  This however, was a different thing altogether.  To sit a watch as these people esteemed my Son was a thing that should be experienced by all parents.  That's really the difference for me, to just be a parent.  Not the emcee or the leader.  Not to be entrusted with someone else's kid.  To just sit back and enjoy the fact that I'm the father of this accomplished young man.

Just a parent?  Now there's a concept for you.  Just a parent who takes a baby home from the hospital.  To realize that every breath that child takes for the next eighteen plus years is your sole responsibility.  Just a parent, who endures six months of colic.  That's six months of no more that twenty minutes of sleep for those of you who are math challenged.  Just a parent praying his Son will do well at school.  Hoping that he makes friends and doesn't become one of those kids that doesn't fit in.  Just a parent that agrees to go along with this whole "let's be a Cub Scout and go camping" insanity.  Just a parent, who sits and studies for a third grade spelling test.  Just the parent, who watches his eighth grader go out for the High School Band.  Just a parent, that says, "sure Son run for band officer as a freshman".  Just the parent that agrees to sleep on the ground at fourteen degrees at winter camp.  And the parent that sleeps on the one hundred and four degree scorched Earth of summer camp.  Just the parent that sends a fifteen year old on a plane to Boston to compete in a math competition in a society full of terrorist whacks!  Just a parent that sees to it that every need his child could possibly have is accounted for.



Maybe parent is the wrong word.  Maybe I should just be called proud.  That's all I could think of standing up there as my friend pinned my Son with his Eagle badge.  Proud that he passed all the test of sixteen years of life.  And even more proud that I didn't screw up the first sixteen years of his life.  Proud that when it came time to push him, he was up to the task.  Proud that so many would come out to honor my boy.  Proud that my boy is in rare company.  That he will always be known for being the best of the best.  To be just a parent is to be justly proud.




Friday, July 26, 2013

You are a walking lesson plan!

Most couples have big plans for their bouncing bundle full of joy when they bring a child into this world.  Everyone wants a better life for their kid than the one they had as a child.  Then you take home your baby boy and reality hits you square in the head.  It's a job just to keep up with the feeding schedule, the diaper changes, the constant crying, and the dirty laundry full of puke. Parenting is hard work and I haven't even mentioned the job you have to have to pay for little Johnny's things.  Then after a four or five years you get to send your precious toddler off to school. So you're thinking that school will make life a little easier.  After all, having someone else chase after little Johnny is a well deserved rest for you.  Then reality hits again.  You have to help with homework, buy school supplies, keep the correct uniform, clean the uniform every night, and my personal hell on Earth, sit in the carpool line.  I can handle road rage but those moms in the car pool line are the most rude creatures I've ever had the misfortune to meet.  Then Johnny is ready for sports.  Time consuming is an under statement when it comes to your kid playing sports, or any non school activity.  The point is, from the time you bring him home from the hospital till they leave your house kids are a nonstop job.

So when do you have time to sit little Johnny down and explain to him all your hopes and dreams for his life? Truthfully, you are so busy with your kid's life, once you get a spare minute you just want to relax.  You start telling yourself that you deserve time off.  And that's where parents get off track in achieving their goals for their kids.  We work so hard at the things we must do, therefore any spare time is for rest and relaxation.  So what is little Johnny learning?  Truth is he is learning to live life the same way you do.  Just do the bare minimum to survive and the rest of the time is for idleness.  I've heard it all in the circles I deal with such as scouting, band, sports, and schooling. Lines like, "I work hard to earn my money so I deserve a vacation" or this one, "my Son is a good kid, he deserves to go to theme parks every chance he can".  Your kid is learning from that attitude.  That attitude is "just get by in life".  Kids are taking notes from everything you say, do, act, or believe in.   Don't ever think that you can tell your kid, "well Son, I might go out drinking every weekend but I don't want you to do that".  Little Johnny will be sitting on a bar stool near you very soon.  Your life is their lesson plan for their life. 

This may seem like bragging but to me it just drives the point home that you are your child's lesson plan.  My older Son is sixteen and this is a post he put on his Facebook page the other day.

This is probably random but I guess getting a job and going into my senior year has made me think about how much I love my parents and how they taught me to love among countless other things. They taught me that love is a selfless sacrifice. To love someone you have to give them your time, your effort, your everything no matter how difficult it is. My mom gives up most of her time working to support our family. My dad suffers everyday in pain but that never stops him from giving his time and knowledge to prepare my brother and I for the future. They really taught me that if I wanted to succeed at something I had to give it my everything. And we all make mistakes but they also taught me to not just quit when things are hard or I mess up. I really have no clue how I'll turn out but I'm sure it'll be great in some way because my parents succeeded in giving their everything to be the great parents they are. I couldn't have asked for better.

He gets it.  He has taken notes of everything my wife and I have done over the years.  Our life is clearly the lesson plan for his life.  And the way he turns out will be great in some way because he paid attention.  I assure you, your child is paying attention to your life.  Make sure it's a life worth learning from.









Saturday, July 20, 2013

How to become a stay at home Dad the hard way.

Some nine years ago my life took a dramatic change.  I had worked in a oil refinery for some sixteen years. I had a wife, who had a part time job and two young boys.  I literally worked night and day.  I rarely put in less than sixty hours a week and usually got closer to eighty a week.  It was my role in our family.  I made money that paid the bills and my wife raised our two sons.  I had back problems since I was seventeen. The doctors advised me for years to have fusion surgery and I quickly told them no every time.  They showed me many MRI's that showed the source of my pain.  My disc at L4-L5 was as flat as a pancake and protruding in every direction.  Still there would be no change in my opinion that the surgery was not for me.  Then came a bone density scan and everything changed.  Inside of my L4 vertebrae was a small tumor.  The doctors explained that it had a blood flow and "fat bodies" in it.  Meaning in due time it would become cancerous. When doctors throw around the big "C" word, you start to see things differently.

Three months later I was laying on a table waiting to be cut open.  The doctors proclaimed the fusion surgery a success.  Seven days later I was able to leave the hospital.  Then came nine months of unimaginable pain. I could do little other than roll around in the bed and cry like a baby. After that the pain subsided enough to start functioning in life again.  The doctors decided because of the pain issues and the numb left leg that I would not ever be released again to go back to work. Not to mention, no employer would ever let my scarred up back on to their work site for fear of liabilities.  This was a very hard pill to swallow.  Working was all I ever knew.  I was raised to get up in the morning and go to work until the work was done.  I put on my best game face and moved forward with the task of being a stay at home Dad.  Surely, taking care of the home and kids can't be that hard, can it?  A slight miscalculation on my part there.  Do you have any idea how much back it takes to clean the floor?  The answer, much more than I got!  Staying at home is hard work and keeping up with two boys is a full time job.  And the latter is where the real change kicked in.

At the time of my surgery, my Sons were eight and five years old.  All they knew of their Dad was he worked a lot and if he got home before bedtime he would play a few games of Super Mario with them. After surgery I got to know them for the first time.  When you spend hours doing homework, chores, carpools, and all the other jobs a Mom does you truly get to know your kid.  I saw that my boys had various gifts, talents, and abilities.  But none of those things will ever come to light if a parent doesn't cultivate them. Taking over the roll of raising the kids meant so much more than just washing clothes and packing lunches.  It meant pushing, coaching, and driving, those two boys to be everything their God given talents could possibly be. So maybe, my slight miscalculation was really a very big miscalculation.  What greater weight could someone possibly put on their shoulders than that of making sure a child reaches his full potential?

Being a stay at home Dad is hard work but the rewards are an indescribable joy.  The lows of not being able to have a job anymore are far surpassed by the high of seeing my Sons reach all their goals.  I finally understand why I was put on this Earth.  It certainly wasn't to have a plaque at the local refinery saying I put in fifty years of work.  It wasn't to amass wealth or keep up with the Jones'.  It was to make a better life for my kids.  Yes, that takes money.  My wife works two jobs to pay our bills and I gladly accept my roll to make sure our two boys achieve and excel everything they are destined to do.  I will have to write on another night of all the incredible moments I've been privileged to see in my kid's lives.  Just know that I may not have planned to be a stay at home Dad, but it sure has been a blessing in disguise.

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