Tossed about on the Winds.

Picture courtesy of Geograph.

In today's world, everyone has a position or opinion on every subject imaginable.  Whether you're conservative or liberal, eco-friendly or not, pro guns, or woman's rights, we seem to define ourselves by these so called stances.  The problem is people change their positions on things more than they bathe.  "Well, I was for big oil but now that political parties in power have changed, I'm all for the environment", please tell me you've never heard someone say that.  And yes, people are allowed to learn from their mistakes but not every five minutes.  I just happen to think that your philosophies in life shouldn't be tossed around like a tumbleweed in the wind.

While I could write an endless rant about politicians on this subject, I think I'll stick to one of my favorite topics, Parenting.  I can't tell you how many of my buddies were so excited and pumped up for the birth of their child.  They would come home from the hospital with a completely different look on life.  They would make promises to be a Super Dad.  They were going to be the Tee Ball coach, the Scout leader, Dance recital fanatic, and Cheerleader Dad of the decade.  Then before little Johnny or Susie makes their fourth birthday, Dad has found something more interesting.  Whether it's sports, leisure, or neglect, little Johnny is no longer the most important thing in their life.  How can you be so passionate about something and just drift off to another thing?  How do you explain to your kid that his "newness" has worn off?  Bet that conversation does wonders for little Susie's self esteem.  Sorry sweetie, maybe the wind will change direction and pouring my life into you will come back in style.  Moms on the other hand take a little longer to fizzle out.  In fact the problem is sometimes Mom doesn't ever fizzle out.  When little Johnny was born the promise was to raise and nurture him until he's ready to be his own man. Some Moms don't stick to the plan.  When it comes time to push little Johnny out of the nest, the winds of Motherhood blow and Johnny is babied until he's thirty.  These Moms create what a friend of mine calls a "adult-child hybrid".  Like the commercial when thirty year old little Johnny comes home and Mom has a "smothered burrito" waiting for him. Why would little Johnny ever want to get married and move out with that kind of treatment at home?

Picture courtesy of Wikipedia.

Sticking to your beliefs applies to more than just parenting.  If you believe that donating your time to feed the homeless is a worthy cause, don't let some bitter conspiracy theorist turn you against that.  If you believe in standing up for battered women is a just thing to do, then don't let the fact that one woman abused the system steer you away from your work. If you believe in God, would you stop because people are protesting outside your church?  I personally donate a ridiculous amount of time to Scouting, and we are in the middle of a wind driven firestorm.  But my belief is that boys need men to teach them skills in this life and no political incited controversy is going to stop me from doing what I'm dedicated to doing. Never let someone else's words, actions, or ugliness dictate what you believe in.  In the end it's not how hard the winds blew, it's how well you stayed the course.

How to become a stay at home Dad the hard way.

Some nine years ago my life took a dramatic change.  I had worked in a oil refinery for some sixteen years. I had a wife, who had a part time job and two young boys.  I literally worked night and day.  I rarely put in less than sixty hours a week and usually got closer to eighty a week.  It was my role in our family.  I made money that paid the bills and my wife raised our two sons.  I had back problems since I was seventeen. The doctors advised me for years to have fusion surgery and I quickly told them no every time.  They showed me many MRI's that showed the source of my pain.  My disc at L4-L5 was as flat as a pancake and protruding in every direction.  Still there would be no change in my opinion that the surgery was not for me.  Then came a bone density scan and everything changed.  Inside of my L4 vertebrae was a small tumor.  The doctors explained that it had a blood flow and "fat bodies" in it.  Meaning in due time it would become cancerous. When doctors throw around the big "C" word, you start to see things differently.

Three months later I was laying on a table waiting to be cut open.  The doctors proclaimed the fusion surgery a success.  Seven days later I was able to leave the hospital.  Then came nine months of unimaginable pain. I could do little other than roll around in the bed and cry like a baby. After that the pain subsided enough to start functioning in life again.  The doctors decided because of the pain issues and the numb left leg that I would not ever be released again to go back to work. Not to mention, no employer would ever let my scarred up back on to their work site for fear of liabilities.  This was a very hard pill to swallow.  Working was all I ever knew.  I was raised to get up in the morning and go to work until the work was done.  I put on my best game face and moved forward with the task of being a stay at home Dad.  Surely, taking care of the home and kids can't be that hard, can it?  A slight miscalculation on my part there.  Do you have any idea how much back it takes to clean the floor?  The answer, much more than I got!  Staying at home is hard work and keeping up with two boys is a full time job.  And the latter is where the real change kicked in.

At the time of my surgery, my Sons were eight and five years old.  All they knew of their Dad was he worked a lot and if he got home before bedtime he would play a few games of Super Mario with them. After surgery I got to know them for the first time.  When you spend hours doing homework, chores, carpools, and all the other jobs a Mom does you truly get to know your kid.  I saw that my boys had various gifts, talents, and abilities.  But none of those things will ever come to light if a parent doesn't cultivate them. Taking over the roll of raising the kids meant so much more than just washing clothes and packing lunches.  It meant pushing, coaching, and driving, those two boys to be everything their God given talents could possibly be. So maybe, my slight miscalculation was really a very big miscalculation.  What greater weight could someone possibly put on their shoulders than that of making sure a child reaches his full potential?

Being a stay at home Dad is hard work but the rewards are an indescribable joy.  The lows of not being able to have a job anymore are far surpassed by the high of seeing my Sons reach all their goals.  I finally understand why I was put on this Earth.  It certainly wasn't to have a plaque at the local refinery saying I put in fifty years of work.  It wasn't to amass wealth or keep up with the Jones'.  It was to make a better life for my kids.  Yes, that takes money.  My wife works two jobs to pay our bills and I gladly accept my roll to make sure our two boys achieve and excel everything they are destined to do.  I will have to write on another night of all the incredible moments I've been privileged to see in my kid's lives.  Just know that I may not have planned to be a stay at home Dad, but it sure has been a blessing in disguise.

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Fatherhood! What's is it?

Fatherhood is something I like to talk about. Even if it's like screaming into the wind in today's America. In school, many classes talk about the Fathers of different things. The Father of an invention, the Father of a faith, or even the Fathers of our Nation. How utterly confusing this must be for kids? Considering nearly half of the kids in this country go to sleep every night in a home that their Father does not live. The number is even higher for minorities, but that would take away from what I'm driving here.

While I will never dispute the need for a Mother's love, there are some things only a Father can provide for a child. Self confidence can only come from a child that clearly sees his Father believing in him. A child's self worth or identity comes from the tough love of a Father. It molds a child into what he must be. Loyalty, although displayed by the Mother, is ingrained into a child's mind by seeing his Father there in the midst no matter what the outcome. The understanding of how to treat a young lady comes from seeing a Father respect a Mother. Most importantly, security comes from a Father. Whether it's knowing the "monster under the bed" won't get you, or knowing Dad always has my back. A child without a Father's security will develop issues with all the earlier mentioned qualities.

Being a Father is not as hard as it sounds. To teach your life's experiences to you child can fill up your heart with pride to see their eagerness to learn. To believe that your child can go farther in this life than you, is a hope that fuels the soul. Most men stay loyal to a job for decades, so it should be easy to commit your years to always be seen supporting your child. The best is to give love to a child that can except it unconditionally. Then sit back a let a child return your love to you with an energy and exuberance that is all consuming. It is a reward that can not be matched.

The only thing that keeps men from being Fathers is the perverted view of this society. "Don't let no one hold you down" or "be free of a ball and chain" is just a misdirection to keep you from enjoying the privilege of being a Father. My Sons are not only my pride and joy, they are my crowning achievement in this life.

So be a Father. Not just to your on children, but to all children that would seek your Fatherness. Whether it's teaching, or coaching, or mentoring, or sharing, if you show a little bit of Fatherhood, children all around will be begging for more. There's something about loving a child like a Father that earns that child's loyalty.

What would this nation look like if every Father acted like a Father?