Do your kids a favor and teach them the "hard" way.

Drive Through Automated Teller.

We live a life of many conveniences.  So many things are done for us, or automated.  Between drive-throughs and one stop shopping, we no longer understand how things are made or done.  If the expression, "knowledge is power" is true, then we no longer value power or knowledge.  We don't want to know how things are made.  As long as our gadgets work we are happy to be ignorant on how they work.  We don't care what continent the shelf item came from, as long as it's cheap and readily available.  We are creating a society that is totally dependent on someone else for food, transportation, household appliances, and life in general.


The question is, does leaning on all these conveniences the best way to prepare you child for life?  Why wouldn't you teach your children how to cook their own food?  Believe it or not, I've had parents tell me that teaching cooking to their children was not important, because food is readily available.  So I guess since there are dry cleaners, you don't have to teach kids how to wash clothes.  Since there are mechanic shops, you don't need to check the fluids in your car?  Without teaching kids the way things work all you are doing is creating users.  You are not enabling your kid to be self sufficient.  We all want to protect our kids but sometimes you have to push them into the fire so they can get some real world experience.  There are so many opportunities passed up it really scary.  Simply open the hood of your car and teach your kid a few basics.  Or teach them to make a cake at home instead of buying one at the store.  Something as simple as cutting grass will teach them that things don't just get done without work and effort.

Nothing wrong with cleaning your own meal.

If children are our future why not teach them how things work from the ground up.  We all want the best life for our kids, but making their life easy in the short run will lead to a harder life in the long run.  Being totally dependent on others for the simplest things in life should not be the goal of parenting.  Teaching kids the "hard" way may not make you the most popular parent but it will make you the most successful.

Hold on to Sixteen as long as you can!

My wife in the hospital with our second son.

Today is my older Son's last day as a sixteen year old.  Tomorrow will make his seventeenth birthday and he will officially be an adult according to the state of Louisiana.  Needless to say, I'm a little sentimental because it feels more like a bullet train ride than an entire childhood that has passed. I still remember the night he was born.  My wife was in labor for more than twenty hours.  The doctors finally decided to cut him out at about quarter past midnight.  Because of the medicine and the long labor they gave the wife some more medicine to sleep and at three o'clock in the morning handed me my Son for the first time and left the room.  I was all alone with this strange little baby that I knew nothing about.  I had no connection with him at that point.  After all, it was not me who carried him for nine months.  Three days later I was shaking like a leaf when I drove him home for the first time.  Seems like a few weeks ago.


He had a severe case of colic.  For six months no one slept for more than twenty minutes at a time.  I thought that six months was a sentence to an eternity in hell.  Looking back now, it was just a blip on the timeline.  The other seasons came and went with increasing speed.  The cost of diapers and formula is very high but before you know it that season was over.  Then came walking, running, talking, toys, video games, and something new for Dad to learn everyday when I got home from work.  How many nights I laid in his bed and played Mario for him because he couldn't get to the next level?  He sure doesn't need much help from me these days. Then came a little brother that changed his whole world in one day.  Then came school, learning, PTOs, Tee Ball, music, and Scouts.  When he made eight my life changed and instead of working I was the one staying home with him.  How many firsts did I get to experience with him?  I'm not sure, but it was a privilege to be on every single one.  Lately, there has been many crowning moments for him.  He is now an Eagle Scout, Captain of his High School Band, and employee at the local grocery store.  And the future is very bright, with his outstanding academic scores he is sure to get into the college of his choosing.


So basically that's it, an entire childhood in one paragraph and it seems that it went by as fast has reading that paragraph.  No matter what season you and you child are in, I suggest you cherish it.  Crying babies may not see like a good time but it will pass soon and very soon.  Trying to keep up with a toddler that climbs and touches everything may seem never ending but it will be memories you miss.  Doing homework for four hours every night may seem like a prison sentence but it will be time very well served. You can't stop time, nor should you try, but take a few moments to cherish all the things that happen in your brief time to raise a child. Don't wait till the seasons are over to pour your life into your kids, start now.  If you put forth your best effort in all these season then the sadness of your child entering into adulthood will be replaced with the joy of a fine young man or woman that you are proud to call yours. I think my boy is off to a great start, even if it was at mach two.  He's a fine young adult man.

1996

2013

Happy Birthday my Boy!

Back to School Shopping; A Dad's Nightmare!

Image by Elev8.

It's August!  It's hot!  And it's time to go back to school shopping!  Double dislike.  Being a stay at home Dad has many advantages.  I love being at every football game, band performance, track meet, and camp out.  Making connections with my two boys on a daily basis is very rewarding.  Then there is the mass hysteria called, back to school shopping.  Can someone please dig up Dante' Alighieri's bones and breath life into them so he can add one more level of hell to his Divine Comedy?  Don't get me wrong, I am all in for education.  I want my boys to be well equipped for the year ahead, but there must be a better way.


My boys are going into the 8th and 12th grades.  Yes May is going to be an all out graduation blowout at the Bordelon residence.  So it's mostly high school supplies on the list.  Their lists include items such as binders, three subject notebooks, index cards, and graphing calculators.  You know the kind of calculators that can do math without numbers, but get high score at the register.  There's also some what I would refer to as the kindergarten leftovers, such as color pencils, eight pack markers, and paste.  I guess you're never to old to eat some paste.  My problem is in the going to the store and fighting hand to hand combat to retrieve all these things.  I don't mind being the shopper for the family.  I've learned what days are safe to slip into the local Walmart and what days to stay far, far away from that Hell.  For reasons beyond me every store has to have a special section just for back to school shopping and it has to have big, bright, flashing signs to advertise it's existence.  I think it's a waste of money to make all these signs when the three ring circus battle can be seen from the interstate.  Surely, everyone loves to be in a death match with the mother of three screaming kids over the 99 cent pack of markers!  And who doesn't enjoy the sweet sounds of a seven year old screaming, "But I want the Transformers back pack Mommy!"  *insert sniffling*  Everyone should have the heart warming satisfaction of watching twelve year old girls rip apart the last One Direction notebook.  It truly is something to experience.

Picture courtesy of the Daily Beast

This year my two job working wife was able to help me with this nifty little chore.  Actually, we used half of our date night and slipped into the Target store.  We thought, this store is much more high scale and should have a much more organized back to school section.  We were wrong!  I've seen natural disasters look better than these three aisles.  My wife handled it with style and grace, while I did everything I could to rush the operation as much as I could.  On the ride home, from date night, I couldn't help but think, "there has to be a more civilized way to go about preparing our Sons for education".  In the end our kids have all the school supplies they need.  Not to mention the school uniforms, shoes, cleats, gym clothes, band shirts, saxophone reeds, updated eye prescriptions, mouth pieces, socks, underwear, and a few other must have items.  All will be forgotten with the first day of school.  Our focus will turn to remembering and cherishing every moment of their Senior and 8th grade years.  As much as I love being a stay at home Dad, I guess there will never come a day where shopping is a job perk.

Hope everyone has a happy and successful school year!

Milestones Ahead! Please don't hit the Brakes.

Photo by flickr

As parents their are so many milestones we reach in raising our kids.  Obviously, the first big memorable moment is when you take your child home from the hospital.  The euphoria of bringing your little bundle of joy home is quickly replaced by crying, dirty diapers, and sleepless nights.  It's easy to look back at the first day home as the only great day of being a parent.  In due time life gets into a more comfortable rhythm and soon you are on top of the next big day. The day your child takes his first steps.  Your so excited that you don't realize that you now have to pick everything up to keep the new little track star from grabbing everything in the house. Then comes kindergarten followed by the first day of high school and all of a sudden it's graduation day.  It really goes by that fast, but is it over at that point?


Dealing with the milestones in our kid's lives is no different than the milestones in any life. It's great to celebrate your child's first steps but you also have to press on to the next challenge or your kid will never learn to speak.  Just like it's great to celebrate getting that job you always wanted, but if you don't get busy with the job you won't have it long.  In my home the 2013-2014 school year is going to be one for marking major milestones.  In May the wife and I will watch as one Son graduates 8th grade and the other Son graduates from High School.  We will find many ways to celebrate and make memories of the occasion and make a big fuss over the boys.  Then after the festivities it will be time to tell the boys, "great job, now get on with the next challenge in your life."  One will face High School and the other College, but if we only live in the moments of May 2014 neither one will succeed in their next challenge.  And that is where the danger lays.  If graduating from school is the greatest accomplishment in one's life then there will be little or no emphasis put on the next challenge ahead.  If you let a child make a single accomplishment as the end of his challenges in life then he has met the end of his ability to make himself better.

Photo by Google

If you've anointed some day as the greatest day of you life then you've lost all reasons to strive for something better. You basically stop in mid-life.  All the work you put into your resume to get that dream job shouldn't end because you accomplished one goal.  If you work non-stop to catch a young lady's attention then ignore her after she says, "I do", you won't stay married for long. Everything in this life requires work to keep up and maintain.  That goes for relationships, raising kids, jobs, and lifestyle. If you rest on your laurels opportunities will pass you by at lightning speed.  It's great to celebrate big milestones.  It builds confidence and self esteem.  But please don't let a milestone become a stopping point in your life. If you live in the past then the future doesn't hold anything for you.  Always strive to make the next day the greatest day of your life.  With that attitude the future will always be bright.

You are a walking lesson plan!

Most couples have big plans for their bouncing bundle full of joy when they bring a child into this world.  Everyone wants a better life for their kid than the one they had as a child.  Then you take home your baby boy and reality hits you square in the head.  It's a job just to keep up with the feeding schedule, the diaper changes, the constant crying, and the dirty laundry full of puke. Parenting is hard work and I haven't even mentioned the job you have to have to pay for little Johnny's things.  Then after a four or five years you get to send your precious toddler off to school. So you're thinking that school will make life a little easier.  After all, having someone else chase after little Johnny is a well deserved rest for you.  Then reality hits again.  You have to help with homework, buy school supplies, keep the correct uniform, clean the uniform every night, and my personal hell on Earth, sit in the carpool line.  I can handle road rage but those moms in the car pool line are the most rude creatures I've ever had the misfortune to meet.  Then Johnny is ready for sports.  Time consuming is an under statement when it comes to your kid playing sports, or any non school activity.  The point is, from the time you bring him home from the hospital till they leave your house kids are a nonstop job.

So when do you have time to sit little Johnny down and explain to him all your hopes and dreams for his life? Truthfully, you are so busy with your kid's life, once you get a spare minute you just want to relax.  You start telling yourself that you deserve time off.  And that's where parents get off track in achieving their goals for their kids.  We work so hard at the things we must do, therefore any spare time is for rest and relaxation.  So what is little Johnny learning?  Truth is he is learning to live life the same way you do.  Just do the bare minimum to survive and the rest of the time is for idleness.  I've heard it all in the circles I deal with such as scouting, band, sports, and schooling. Lines like, "I work hard to earn my money so I deserve a vacation" or this one, "my Son is a good kid, he deserves to go to theme parks every chance he can".  Your kid is learning from that attitude.  That attitude is "just get by in life".  Kids are taking notes from everything you say, do, act, or believe in.   Don't ever think that you can tell your kid, "well Son, I might go out drinking every weekend but I don't want you to do that".  Little Johnny will be sitting on a bar stool near you very soon.  Your life is their lesson plan for their life. 

This may seem like bragging but to me it just drives the point home that you are your child's lesson plan.  My older Son is sixteen and this is a post he put on his Facebook page the other day.

This is probably random but I guess getting a job and going into my senior year has made me think about how much I love my parents and how they taught me to love among countless other things. They taught me that love is a selfless sacrifice. To love someone you have to give them your time, your effort, your everything no matter how difficult it is. My mom gives up most of her time working to support our family. My dad suffers everyday in pain but that never stops him from giving his time and knowledge to prepare my brother and I for the future. They really taught me that if I wanted to succeed at something I had to give it my everything. And we all make mistakes but they also taught me to not just quit when things are hard or I mess up. I really have no clue how I'll turn out but I'm sure it'll be great in some way because my parents succeeded in giving their everything to be the great parents they are. I couldn't have asked for better.

He gets it.  He has taken notes of everything my wife and I have done over the years.  Our life is clearly the lesson plan for his life.  And the way he turns out will be great in some way because he paid attention.  I assure you, your child is paying attention to your life.  Make sure it's a life worth learning from.

How to become a stay at home Dad the hard way.

Some nine years ago my life took a dramatic change.  I had worked in a oil refinery for some sixteen years. I had a wife, who had a part time job and two young boys.  I literally worked night and day.  I rarely put in less than sixty hours a week and usually got closer to eighty a week.  It was my role in our family.  I made money that paid the bills and my wife raised our two sons.  I had back problems since I was seventeen. The doctors advised me for years to have fusion surgery and I quickly told them no every time.  They showed me many MRI's that showed the source of my pain.  My disc at L4-L5 was as flat as a pancake and protruding in every direction.  Still there would be no change in my opinion that the surgery was not for me.  Then came a bone density scan and everything changed.  Inside of my L4 vertebrae was a small tumor.  The doctors explained that it had a blood flow and "fat bodies" in it.  Meaning in due time it would become cancerous. When doctors throw around the big "C" word, you start to see things differently.

Three months later I was laying on a table waiting to be cut open.  The doctors proclaimed the fusion surgery a success.  Seven days later I was able to leave the hospital.  Then came nine months of unimaginable pain. I could do little other than roll around in the bed and cry like a baby. After that the pain subsided enough to start functioning in life again.  The doctors decided because of the pain issues and the numb left leg that I would not ever be released again to go back to work. Not to mention, no employer would ever let my scarred up back on to their work site for fear of liabilities.  This was a very hard pill to swallow.  Working was all I ever knew.  I was raised to get up in the morning and go to work until the work was done.  I put on my best game face and moved forward with the task of being a stay at home Dad.  Surely, taking care of the home and kids can't be that hard, can it?  A slight miscalculation on my part there.  Do you have any idea how much back it takes to clean the floor?  The answer, much more than I got!  Staying at home is hard work and keeping up with two boys is a full time job.  And the latter is where the real change kicked in.

At the time of my surgery, my Sons were eight and five years old.  All they knew of their Dad was he worked a lot and if he got home before bedtime he would play a few games of Super Mario with them. After surgery I got to know them for the first time.  When you spend hours doing homework, chores, carpools, and all the other jobs a Mom does you truly get to know your kid.  I saw that my boys had various gifts, talents, and abilities.  But none of those things will ever come to light if a parent doesn't cultivate them. Taking over the roll of raising the kids meant so much more than just washing clothes and packing lunches.  It meant pushing, coaching, and driving, those two boys to be everything their God given talents could possibly be. So maybe, my slight miscalculation was really a very big miscalculation.  What greater weight could someone possibly put on their shoulders than that of making sure a child reaches his full potential?

Being a stay at home Dad is hard work but the rewards are an indescribable joy.  The lows of not being able to have a job anymore are far surpassed by the high of seeing my Sons reach all their goals.  I finally understand why I was put on this Earth.  It certainly wasn't to have a plaque at the local refinery saying I put in fifty years of work.  It wasn't to amass wealth or keep up with the Jones'.  It was to make a better life for my kids.  Yes, that takes money.  My wife works two jobs to pay our bills and I gladly accept my roll to make sure our two boys achieve and excel everything they are destined to do.  I will have to write on another night of all the incredible moments I've been privileged to see in my kid's lives.  Just know that I may not have planned to be a stay at home Dad, but it sure has been a blessing in disguise.

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